Bread and Wine: Gaia Cookies

After a week of possibly THE most crazy sickness we've had as a collective family of four YET... I'm back!

I made up the batter for these cookies last week...and then my family fell sick the same afternoon...and there the batter sweetly sat (covered and refrigerated) until I could return to them today. They baked up beautifully and are incredibly tasty.

They come in the chapter "What Money Can't Buy" and oh, how that phrase has spun 'round my head for a dozen reasons this week. It's about food, and about children, where we put our time and resources.

Always a valuable discussion.

Pull up a chair and let's eat.

The Recipe: Gaia Cookies
Ingredients: Butter, brown sugar, eggs, vanilla, flour, oats, baking powder, baking soda, salt, coconut, walnuts, chocolate chips, chopped dried fruit

Shauna writes that this is her adaptation of a favorite cookie from a favorite restaurant, The Gaia Café in Grand Rapids. It's an awesome cookie--not too sweet, but not a granola bar, it's the kind of substantial oatmeal cookie you WANT to have for a snack because it probably won't leave you hungry too quickly but also is fun to eat.

I will say these took an extra minute for me to put together than a normal oatmeal cookie because once you get up all up in the extra add-ins, you've got quite a heavy dough on your hands. Even hand-mixing it with a wooden spoon became too much, so I took to actually hand-mixing it so everything would be combined.

Messy, but effective.

This recipe reminds me of my favorite cookie from Barnes and Noble's cafes--their thick oatmeal cookie with cranberries, almonds and apricots.  I'll probably play with  this a little more and see if I can tweak it that way. I mean, it shouldn't be too hard, right? I think I was initially stumped at how to make the thickness of the cookie, but the texture of this recipe seems about perfect, what with the brown sugar and coconut. 

My husband voted for white chocolate chips in it next time (I used dark chocolate this time), so, I mean, really, the options are limitless, right? It's a fancy oatmeal cookie. But again, if you're like me and ever wondered how to make a thick cookie without it being too heavy or floury, you'll enjoy the effect of the brown sugar and coconut. Chewy, a little more dense than the usual, and absolute yum.

The Chapter: "What Money Can't Buy"
I like to think that everything kind of happens for a reason, and or at least goes together in some way, so I think it's kind of funny how my reading this chapter came when it did. The chapter is about how Shauna and her supper club friends held a garage sale and bake sale for the food pantry and garden at their church to help families in need. It was about them decluttering their homes (and really hearts and minds) to make space for caring for those in need. It was beautiful.

Her story pulled at me and I started thinking what it might mean for me. Maybe I need to volunteer for a food-oriented ministry. I love food, and I care about people; seems natural. I started fantasizing about contacting a former business associate who runs a food non profit now; maybe I could help that way.

The day I mixed cookies, I pondered all this and listened for my children as I baked. My youngest had been sick over the weekend with a stomach bug and was napping unusually early. My daughter was  watching TV while I mixed the cookies. She'd refused my invitation to help out. I had shrugged, thinking everyone was just a little under the weather.

Let me simply say that that was a gross assumption on my part.

Starting around 3 p.m., I became sicker than I had in a year. By nightfall my husband and my daughter followed my example. My son, still recovering from his own illness, slept through most of our anguish (my mom mercifully spent the night to help us), but spent the rest of the week losing nearly everything he ate after every meal.

It wasn't pretty.

For the rest of the week I stopped blogging and swung my full attention to my family. The doctor found that both kids had developed massive double ear infections and would need another round of antibiotics-- a third time since CHRISTMAS-- and my husband and I were showing signs of intense exhaustion.

All week we did nothing but see doctors, wash laundry, clean a little, play quietly with the children, sleep and eat what food we could.

It's humbling to go from cooking pretty food and writing a nice little blog about it, to begging your toddler to eat a Saltine FOR THE  LOVE, and distracting your 19 month old with cartoons just to shoot a few ounces of Pedialite in his mouth.

I won't lie and say I wasn't a little scared about my kids' health (I've never seen them so sick), but I'm grateful for good care nearby and that they're showing definite signs of being on the mend now.

But all of this got me thinking.

Shauna is writing about she and her friends cleaning up their lives to benefit families in need. But, what if, I started thinking, what if we need to clean up our lives....for our own families?

What if I need to clean out junk that keeps me from enjoying and being present with my kids?

What if I need to clear out distraction that drag me away from noticing the subtleties and nuances going on right in front of me? In my own family?

It's what money can't buy--presence, attention, love.

I have to say, that thought struck harder than any pull to volunteer for a food organization, though there's NOTHING wrong, and all kinds of good, about such an idea. For me, the fact is, I'm really quick to jump onto stuff that benefits others, but sometimes incredibly distracted from the needs and nuances in my own family.

I cursed and struggled all week to figure out the balance between getting my kids and husband to eat something, anything, and giving them actual nutrition. I felt frustrated over the divide between good enough and doing what actually needed to be done when it came to house work. No, the house didn't need to be pristine, but it needed disinfecting and laundry put away to be ready when needed. Those things demanded time without question.

This isn't about mom guilt and I didn't feel any; mostly all week I felt more deeply the responsibilities of parenthood and like it or not, motherhood, especially motherhood with toddlers. As good as I am about finding free time and inbetween times to do writing and small projects, there are times and seasons (and this feels like a big season) of my family needing most of my attention.

I'm not saying Shauna's message isn't great; it is. It's so great, actually, I feel like it's worth applying to our own families first. Because it doesn't seem to make a great deal of sense if we're trying to feed all these folks if our own little ones and loved are hungry, or sick, in physical and metaphysical ways.

So I'm working on that, chewing on that. Mostly because I love black and white, and don't always ride the gray areas of life very well. Parenting, mummying is so much gray. No one can tell you quite how to do it. We must feel our way along towards what is right, even if we have good guideposts along the way. But it seems a good idea to start with learning and seeing those who are right in front of us and caring for them first. And that's what I'm slowly learning how to do.